Walking the Walk

If you’ve ever met me, you’d know I’m highly capable of “talking the talk.”  I’ve always got an opinion about everything.  Usually a pretty strong one.  OK, you wouldn’t even have had to meet me – reading this blog is probably evidence enough of how utterly incapable I am of keeping my trap shut.  But I've been watching people all over the world stand up for what they believe in lately, and I've been thinking about the choices I make in my own life.  And a lot of things I’ve been seeing in myself have got me wondering: do I practice what I preach? 

Am I as compassionate as I like to think, or is it lip service?  How willing am I to make sacrifices to be the kind of person I want to be?  Of course it isn’t easy.  I’m constantly telling people they shouldn’t expect life to be easy.  But how often do I really make the hard choices for myself?  What do I really do to help others?  I used to talk about the Peace Corps, and I decided not to do it because I didn’t want any part of “Americanizing” people in countries that didn’t need to follow the Western model to do well.  And maybe this was a good reason.  But maybe I was just afraid.  Maybe I could have dug up another opportunity, or maybe I could have done it anyway, and done it my own way.  Maybe it doesn’t even have to be as big as that, though.  Do I make time for volunteering?  I started to.  But when it fell through, I let it.  I didn’t chase those opportunities down. I told myself I was too busy anyway.

I complain about big business, about wasteful Western consumers, about government, but I use more than I need, I shop at cheap chain stores more often than I should, and (I’m really sorry, Wisconsin – especially now) I didn’t vote in the mid-term election because an absentee ballot seemed like such a hassle, and I didn’t think it was really my problem anymore.  

Am I even as loving as I ought to be to my own friends and family?  I think a lot of the relationships we have with those we love are easy to get clouded by things like pride, our own insecurities, our fears.  This is a manhole cover outside my building.  The quote is from the Bible.  Not historically always my favorite book, but it reminds me of how I want to treat those I love:

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

My one saving grace, I think, is that I think about these things.  I want to do better.  I am always trying to try harder.  I've made some positive changes in the past year or so.  But I need to make more.  So today I’m turning over a new leaf.  Starting now.  I'm sure I'll have some stumbles and false starts, and I'm sure some parts of this process will be painful, but I’m putting on those walking shoes.  That's a promise.  Please hold me accountable for it, though it may mean some big changes.

P.S. I must be getting even more sentimental and emo as I get older, because I really really like this Mumford & Sons album.