All Souls

All Soul’s Day in Poland is quite a big deal.  Offices and shops close, and families get together and go to the cemetery to pay their respects to those they have lost.  This includes not only friends and family, but also those that were killed in Katyn, in uprisings against the Nazis, in Gulags, in the armed services in general, etc.  They buy flowers and candles by the thousands – millions – and light up the cemeteries.  Trams heading to that part of town overflow with people, roads close, police direct foot traffic, and firefighters stand at the ready (which seemed like a bit much to me, until I saw the vast sea of candles glowing in every direction).  Some people think it’s a morbid holiday, demonstrating the Polish ability to suffer like no other nation,  but I think it’s pretty wonderful.  You never stop being loved here, even long after you die.  The cemetery in Szczecin is massive (supposedly the only one bigger in Europe is Pére Lachaise in Paris), and every time I turned another corner and stared down rows and rows of graves, I searched in vain for even one grave marker that lacked a candle.  I thought I’d decorate a lonely grave marker with one of my candles, but it wasn’t necessary.

I’m not going to back off of my position that it is absolutely not a depressing holiday -the atmosphere was more reverent than mournful - but it was a bit sad for me.  Mostly because of the timing.  Jamie Ewing died almost exactly two years ago.  November 4, 2008.  Those who were around me at the time remember how hard I took it.  And walking around looking at all of these candles, I was touched by the beauty, but I also felt myself emptying out, feeling lost and lonely and confused about life, the way I did when I first heard about Jamie.  After all this time, waiting for someone to wake me up and tell me I’d just been dreaming.  When someone dies young, sometimes it’s hard to look back on even the good memories without feeling a little mournful.  But he certainly didn’t lead a mournful life.  And I’m not here to spend my time looking back on all the things that have gone wrong along the way.  I’m here to live.  Because you can lose all your money, all your possessions, even your home, and you can re-build.  Make more money, buy new possessions, find somewhere else to live.  But you can’t get your time back.  So I lit a candle for Jamie, I cried a bit, and then I took a deep breath and remembered to pay attention to just how beautiful the scene around me was.  To be grateful for being alive.

More photos here (although many didn't turn out, because my camera doesn't like the dark).