The Good Land

Part One.

Oh, Milwaukee.  Why did I leave you?  You are full of good friends, fun times, fond memories, and cute babies I'm related to.  Obviously it was a well-spent weekend.  I saw a lot of people I love and I had more fun than I've had in quite a while.  For those of you who want the short version, I can sum my weekend up in the following photographs:

**Photo credit for the picture of me and Hudson goes to Natalie.

On top of all the fun, though, after the baseball game, I went out for ice cream with a group of friends.  Some of them the faithful familiars who are always up for a good time when I'm around, and others who haven't seen me in so long that they didn't even know I didn't live in Milwaukee anymore.  And there was no booze, no band playing, none of the usual social lubricant usually involved with seeing old friends.  But we all slipped so easily into hilarious stories, filthy jokes, and poking fun at one another that it felt like none of us had ever drifted apart at all.  And I realized that your real friends are your friends no matter what you've been doing or how old you get or where you live.  Looking back on younger years, it's easy to miss the carefree days, the ridiculous antics, and mostly, the old friends.  But it's cool to realize that the friends, at least, are still there.

Part Two.

So I've been thinking a lot about the distinctions between family and friends.  Often the really good friends feel just as much like family as the one you're born into.  But there are some very obvious differences.  Case in point: I've seen a lot of different reactions to my "big" life decisions the last few years, and I've been wondering why, when my family has known me for so much longer and in such closer quarters than my friends, they always seem more taken aback by my choices.  I always get the most questions, the most cautions, the most (what seems to me) reticence from those who supposedly know me best.  Why?

Here's why: family is full of hierarchies.  Parent, child.  Youngest, oldest, middle.  Brother, sister.  There's a lot of push and pull, give and take, responsibility and power.  Your family is structured to take care of one another.  So when you announce something like, "I'm going to move to Poland this summer and become an English teacher!" your family goes into protective mode.  I hope she's not going to get hurt.  Let's make sure she's thought of everything.  What if this doesn't work out?  Your family wants to try to prevent you from doing anything stupid, if possible.

Friends, on the other hand, generally view one another more or less as equals.  They've seen you pick yourself up off the floor after some big spills.  Hell, they probably got you drunk to numb the pain of the fall.  They've let you help them when they took a hit.  And if your relationship with your friends is anything like mine, they've definitely seen you do many stupider things than your family can ever hope to - and they've seen you live to tell (and laugh) about it.  So when you announce something like, "I think maybe I'd be ok with a life as crazy Auntie Rachel who is always flying in from random countries with ponchos and necklaces and exotic liquors for everybody!" your friends go into a completely different mode.  They're much more laissez-faire.  How can I help?  Let's have a huge farewell party!  I'm going to come on some of those trips with you!  Your friends not only don't want to prevent you from doing anything stupid, they kind of want you to do stupid things.  Just for the sake of doing them.  Because you can.

But you know what?  Both responses come from a good place.  They come from people caring about you.  So I guess I can stop obsessing about what it all means, and just remember that I'm awfully lucky to have people to care about me in all of these ways.

Oh!  And on a much less sappy note, read this blog. And die laughing.  Good work, Evie.